I am his Sidekick
The first thing that I want to do is thank everyone that took the time to comment on my last blog. Your comments on the website and on the “No Stone Left Unturned” Facebook page were beautiful and definitely bucket filling!
This weekend is Mother’s Day. All mothers are special. Special needs mothers? They are superheroes.
I found the following list of special needs moms superpowers at a blog called “Love that Max” written by Ellen Seldman. I just changed some of the descriptions to better fit our family’s story.
Extreme energy to tend to Travis’s physical and emotional needs, while mostly ignoring my own.
A sixth sense for knowing when something isn’t right. This mostly has to do with protecting Travis from exploitation.
Able to leap over a tall pile of clutter in a single bound. This is me at Travis’s house. I just organized his living room last week. Where did this new pile of stuff come from?
Supreme tenacity for getting Travis the services and providers that he needs and deserves. This started early, getting Travis enrolled in the Colorado Preschool Program, then attending twelve years worth of IEP’s (Individualized Education Program) and now SLS (Supporting Living Services).
Bionic patience for handling Travis’s obsessions such as Xbox and Halloween costumes.
Boundless endurance for dealing with, well let’s just say, all of it.
Super-human flexibility for rethinking plans when things didn’t turn out as I thought they would. Or to Travis’s liking.
X-ray vision for seeing the good in the well-meaning people in Travis’s life, and the not so good - recognizing when people may be taking advantage of Travis’s huge heart.
Able to morph into various people at any given time such as his therapist, teacher, nurse, cook, coach, secretary, chauffer, personal shopper and advocate.
ESP for knowing what Travis is trying to communicate when he is melting down.
Amazing fortitude for putting on my pleasant face and attitude when all I want to do is have my own meltdown.
An uncanny ability to soothe Travis, even it it’s just hearing my voice.
Strength of steel when I’m the kicking post.
Force-field generation for blocking out clueless people that say things like, “Do you let him behave like that everywhere”?
Awe-inspiring resilience to pick yourself up after you cry in the shower and keep on keeping on.
Special needs moms have to have all the above powers while in most cases also managing a job or a home. Or both.
Special needs moms struggle. They oftentimes neglect self-care. (I resemble that remark. But I am aware of it and working on it!) They live in a constant state of burn-out. (I guess I also resemble that remark.) Maybe even struggle with depression. (Maybe even this one.)
Mothers of children with special needs could use some support and encouragement every day. Not just on Mother’s Day. I am lucky to have a great support system!
If you’re thinking you might want to help a special needs mom, or any caregiver for that matter, here are some ideas:
Instead of giving a restaurant gift card, maybe get take-out or cook a meal and deliver it. Special needs kiddos may have sensory issues and restaurant outings can be hard. Frozen meals are always nice, they can be heated on a chaotic day that doesn’t allow for cooking.
A gift card for housecleaning performed by you or a local company. What mom wouldn’t love that?!
A spa gift card. What mom wouldn’t love a massage or a pedicure?!
Drop off a pastry and coffee.
Potted flowers.
Respite care. You babysit so mom can go on a date with her honey.
To all the moms out there. You matter. You are doing the best you can. And that is enough. You are enough.
But do you know who the superhero is in our story? Travis. Travis is the real superhero. He keeps fighting big battles.
I am his sidekick. And surrender is not an option.
“You have super powers. So maybe you’re not Spiderman (though wouldn’t those webs come in handy sometimes!) You have sense and abilities far more developed than those of the average parent. Your senses tingle when something is wrong with your child, long before anybody else notices a difference. With your X-ray vision, you see through inaccurate diagnoses and inadequate treatments; with your superior strength you blast through red tape to get your child what he needs; with your lightning speed, you swoop in to keep your child out of trouble. Like many a superhero, you can’t always explain to mere mortals how you know what you know. But as Peter Parker himself learned, with great power comes great responsibility.” - Author Unknown