“Enthusiasms”

“Sometimes a single word can change your perspective forever.” - Barry M. Prizant

Chapter three in the book, “Uniquely Human”, by Barry M. Prizant is called, “Enthusiams”.

Even though this book seems to be telling our story, I continue to learn so much from it. Prizant writes about the late Clara Claiborne Park. He says that she and her husband, David, parents of a daughter on the autism spectrum, were pioneers in the autism world.

Prizant says, “In the 1960’s they were among the founders of the National Society for Autistic Children, the first advocacy organization of it’s type, and in 1967 she published The Siege, the first widely read memoir by a parent about raising a child with autism”.

Prizant had invited Clara to speak at an annual autism fundraising conference that he help run. After her speech Clara took questions from the audience. One audience member asked how Clara dealt with her daughter’s obsessions.

Many individuals on the autism spectrum have specific areas of interest. They have a tendency to focus on and talk about their interests. These interests vary. It could be firetrucks or construction equipment. Or dinosaurs, maybe a specific animal. One young man that Prizant highlighted was highly interested in car washes.

These interests can change over time. Some of Clara’s daughter’s interests included prime numbers, clouds, odometers, constellations and street lamps. Clara’s response to the audience member’s question opened my eyes. She sounds like she was an incredible mom. She responded, “Hmm. We’ve always thought of them as enthusiams”.

Travis has had some unique special interests. I openly admit that at times I get tired of talking about the same things with him, over and over. At some point I did realize that if I actually listened and took the time to focus on him and his interest, he responded positively. Per Prizant, Clara did not try to direct her daughter away from her interests. Clara assumed there were reasons for her fascinations and that it made sense to her daughter.

I am a work in progress, but learning more every day.

Reading, “Uniquely Human”, has given me some insight into why people with autism develop these special interests. Prizant says, “Why do people with autism develop enthusiams? To answer that, it’s useful to consider how all kinds of people take comfort in hobbies, passions and collections. Nearly everyone has passions and interests. They fill a need; they give us pleasure; they make us feel good for reasons we may not always understand. They’re part of being human.”

“Why, though, do people with autism display a far greater tendency than others to have these strong passions? As with any kind of hobby or pastime, it often begins with an emotional response. An experience feeds a basic neurological need to be engaged, to appreciate beauty, to experience positive emotion.”

Prizant goes on to say, “When a person with autism develops an interest, we must assume that the particular subject of interest is a good match for that person’s neurophysiology and serves an important function.”

For me it’s hard to not know the why.

Travis’s latest interest these past few years has been making videos on his phone. Hundreds and hundreds of videos. He wants to show me all of them. Every. Single. One. Sometimes the same one again, because he has made some minor change to it.

Travis has had the same case manager for years now. One of the things that impressed me about her, in the beginning, and still, is her amazing patience with Travis. She was able to build a relationship with him by watching his videos and listening to his music, no matter how explicit. She showed great interest in his ability to make the videos. She shared with him that she didn’t have the faintest idea how to create a video. And told him that he was the most creative person she knew.

Just like that. If we have a meeting that he isn’t thrilled about attending, I tell him that his case manager will be there. All of a sudden he is good to go. She will even meet us there fifteen minutes early to give Travis some one on one. Well, before Covid-19 anyway.

I used to complain to her about the amount of data his videomaking used on our phone plan. She told me to buy an unlimited plan. She pointed out to me how happy it made him to make and then share his videos.

It’s easy when dealing with the day to day caregiving to lose sight of something so simple. At the end of the day, the extra cost per month was not that much. When Travis wanted an expensive phone with tons of memory, I indulged him. Even though I could have bought a computer for less. Because making his videos brings him joy.

I try not to think about the fact that he needs two terabyte of cloud storage to back up his phone. That’s two thousand gigabytes, in case you were wondering. Compared to the average smartphone, that is roughly the same as sixteen Iphones or Samsung Galaxy devices. Just saying.

Prizant talks about using interests to build connections. He says, “When a child fixates on a topic, and we join with the child, we can make the enthusiasm the basis for building relationships and trust. One significant reason many children focus on a particular topic is that it gives them a safe place to start a conversation.

For a person with autism, social interactions can provoke anxiety and confusion because they have no fixed structure and one can’t always predict what another person will say. So a person with autism will try to create predictability by limiting the conversation to an area in which he has mastery.”

Travis’s case manager built a solid relationship with him by engaging in his favorite topic.

Last summer I wrote a blog titled, “A Safe Place to Be”. I shared a story about having a get together with family and friends over a milk can dinner. I shared that it was a positive experience and that Travis did well because he was able to share his music and videos. Most everyone there knew Travis and his story.

One thing that worried me was that Travis was going to meet his grandpa’s new girlfriend. We had a conversation with Travis ahead of time. He needs time to process this kind of information. He told us that no one could replace his grandma. We agreed. He told us that he was ok with grandpa having a new girlfriend, but that didn’t mean he had to like her. He told us that there was no way that he was going to call her grandma.

Now I have a better understanding why he immediately upon meeting her began to talk about and show her his videos. It was a place of comfort for him to start a conversation. She took an interest and patiently watched several videos. She asked him questions about videomaking. By the end of the day he was calling her grandma! Which must have taken her aback. If it did, she didn’t show it.

I’m sure in Travis’s mind, grandpa better not let this one get away.

Grandpa’s girlfriend (now fiance) built a relationship with Travis by engaging in his favorite topic.

I think about the friends I have in my life. I call them the family I picked for myself. Every one of them have shown my son that same respect. Even when he rambles on and on, they carry out a conversation with Travis. Give him the attention he desperately craves. While without even knowing it, giving me a small break. So that I don’t have to tell Travis yet again, my ears are tired.

If you happen to find yourself in such a situation, take the time to listen and engage in whatever topic. You may be making a difference in a life by bringing some joy. Watch the video.

“Enthusiasm is contagious. Be a carrier.” - Susan Rabin