Begin Again — No Stone Left Unturned

I think by now you all know how much I love quotes. When I read a quote that speaks to me, I write it in my journal. Half of my phone camera roll is pictures of quotes waiting to be added to my journal.

So when I happened upon the book, “This Just Speaks to Me”, by Hoda Kotb, I had to have it. The title caught my eye because that is what I say about the quotes that are meaningful to me. They speak to me.

There is a quote for each day of the year, followed by a short story. The quote for January 1st is, “Get back up. Begin again.” by Brene Brown. It is a simple quote about not giving up. Brown says that to get back up from a setback, we need to acknowledge that we have fallen, failed, made a mistake.

It’s a great quote to start the book. Begin again. Beginning a new year is the perfect time for the message to begin again.

I’ve mentioned in the past that I am not big on New Year’s Resolutions. I used to be. I would come up with some lofty goals. So big that I was destined to fail. When I did fail I ended up feeling ashamed. And disappointed. I tend to be hard on myself.

This meme showed up on my Facebook feed.

Amazingly enough, the resolutions in the illustration are very similar to the ones I used to make every year. I like the idea of setting intentions for the new year. They sound like I am being nicer to myself. More forgiving of my imperfections.

I am definitely in need of mending my relationship with my body. A few years ago I began running. Keep in mind that I am not really built for running. On top of that I have bad knees. I was seeing a physical therapist. He wanted me to do squats and lunges. Then he noticed my pain. He suggested that I start running. He said running would be the best way for me to strengthen my quads since I was unable to do squats or lunges.

Running on the treadmill at the gym was a bit embarrassing for me. I could jog for about 1/16th of a mile before I had to walk. On the treadmill each lap was 1/4 mile. I had to walk at the 1/4 mile mark on the track. I signed up for a 5K thinking that would help me to stay motivated.

Slowly but surely, I got to the point where I could jog a 5K. So then I signed up for a 10k. Once I accomplished that goal I decided to sign up for a half-marathon. Many of my friends joined me on this journey. Corey ran several races with me. She and a friend ran my first half-marathon with me. At some point during this process I added running a marathon to my bucket list.

I ran thirteen half-marathons during this time. As a result I lost a bunch of weight. Running on average twenty miles per week burns a lot of calories.

We decided to take a family trip to Orlando. Corey and I signed up for the Disney marathon. We booked the trip a year in advance. I ran eleven half-marathons in a two year period leading up to Disney. While training for a marathon you are required to run many long runs. I decided to use half-marathon races for my long runs. During this training I injured my right foot. Plantar fasciitis. If you’ve ever had plantar fasciitis, you know how much pain I was in.

I stretched my calf and foot muscles. I iced my foot. I rolled my foot on a ball. I tried sleeping with a boot on. I tried ART (Active Release Technique) in physical therapy. I went to a chiropractor. As our trip got closer I decided to try cortisone shots. I was still in pain.

But I pushed myself anyway. All of us ended up sick during our vacation. But I pushed my body anyway. In my mind there was no way I was not going to at least attempt the marathon. It was on January 7th of 2018. I didn’t want to start a new year not meeting my goal. Corey was a trooper. She was sick too. She stayed with me even though she could have completed the race much faster without me. We successfully finished the Disney marathon. The one and only marathon I plan to run.

We flew home the following day. The next day Tracy took me to Urgent Care, where I was diagnosed with acute bronchitis. The doctor thought I was insane for running while I was sick and with an injured foot. I ran my body down.

I decided to take a break from running. What I didn’t do was take a break from eating the extra calories. I also didn’t realize until after I quit, how much walking/running was helping me to cope with the stress in my life. I gained the weight back. Ugh.

I have taken a couple of steps to mending my relationship with my body. Corey nudged me to sign up for the Peleton app. It has several work-outs to chose from. Stretching, strength, yoga, cardio and meditation. It asks for your level and amount of time you want to work out and suggests available work-outs. This app should work well for me because I do a better job of exercising if I am following an instructor. When I lived in town I attended classes at the gym every week day. I miss the camaraderie but I am not interested in driving an hour to take a class in the gym.

During my years of running I lost quite a bit of flexibility. In honor of my body I signed up for the app and have completed a stretch class and a strength class so far. My plan is to ease in and not push my body to the point of injury. That covers my intention to tune into my body’s signals and requests.

I didn’t know it at the time, but apparently one member of the Peleton group can follow another. Corey asked me for my member name. Now she can see what classes I have taken. That gives me some accountability!

I also signed up for an online Stress Eating Workshop with CU Anschutz Health and Wellness Center. I know all about eating right. I need to learn to not turn to food when I am stressed. I finally realized that maybe I need some help.

I started working on the intention of saying “no” more often and allowing for rest a couple of months ago. I have done a good job of turning my phone off at night. There have been times that I have several texts or missed calls from Travis, but do you want to know what? He’s okay. He is sometimes frustrated that he couldn’t reach me and talks to me about his issue the following day. But there has also been times that he never brings it up the next day. Meaning that he worked out that particular problem.

Have you heard of Martha Beck? You may have seen her on Oprah. She is an author and a life coach. Beck says that making New Year resolutions is a great way to reset our minds and our hearts. I’ll stick with intentions, but the idea is the same. Beck says, “Just the idea of a fresh slate is psychologically powerful”.

Becks says that our resolutions for 2021 should be to do less and fail more. According to Beck, our culture pushes us to do the opposite. To do more and fail less. Per Beck, “Research shows that most resolutions fail because we try to do too much at a time and insist on immediate success. We push ourselves so hard we ultimately can’t sustain the effort. Then when we can’t achieve our goals, we go into death-spirals of shame and self-recrimination.”

Been there, done that.

Beck’s solution? It’s not to try harder. It’s to take smaller steps and expect setbacks. (Do less, fail more.) I like this advice and I plan to follow it. Beck’s advice is to break goals into tiny steps and allow ourselves to fail without shame or blame. She suggests taking what she calls “turtle steps”. She says, “These are even smaller than baby steps. A turtle step is a step that takes you toward your ultimate goal, but is so tiny you could do it easily on your worst day. When we embrace the probability that we won’t always get everything right, success is around the corner.”

Beck also states, “Author Melodie Beattie wrote one of my favorite reminders about doing less and failing more: On no day, no hour, no time are you required to do more than you can do in peace.”

I like it. No more than you can do in peace.

2020 was a rough year, I’m not going to lie. A week or two ago I saw a video on the Today Show highlighting the year while playing the song, “Better Days”, by the Goo Goo Dolls. How did I not know this song? I posted the video on my personal Facebook page. I think you can also find it on the Today Show website. The song lyrics spoke to me. One line that is repeated in the song goes, “Cause tonight’s the night the world begins again”.

Spending time with friends and family is an important part of my well-being. For Christmas I sent three of my closest, longest friends the same book. I can’t say what the book is because even though I sent it on December 10th, one friend has yet to receive it. I may have to send her a new package. I decided we should do a book club Zoom meeting while having a cocktail. I’m thinking we could meet on Zoom monthly until it is safe to see each other in person.

If I have learned anything this past year it’s to spend time with the people you love (even if it’s on Zoom), use the pretty soap you save for guests, burn the expensive candle that you’ve been saving for a special occasion and donate the things that no longer bring you joy.

In 2021 my intention is to do a better job of taking care of myself. So that I can continue to do a good job of caregiving for my friends and family. And especially Travis. Caregiving for a son with autism and mental illness takes a full bucket. Self care can help fill the bucket.

A better job of taking care of me. In turtle steps.

More embracing joy, finding purpose, and feeling at peace.

Tell me in the comment section what your intentions are for the new year. I would love to hear from you.

“Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.” - Henry Ford

“The way we forgive ourselves, hang in there with ourselves, grieve and celebrate in the same breath is to,,,Begin Again.” - Leeana Tankersley

“Better Days” by the Goo Goo Dolls lyrics.