Spirit of Hope

“In order to survive, a human being needs to live in a place furnished with hope.” - Maya Angelou

When I thought about what I wanted to write today, I kept coming back to the word hope.

Having hope seems like an appropriate topic.

Is it because it’s the beginning of a new year? After a particularly hard year?

Is it because it’s Martin Luther King Jr. day? He gave so many inspiring speeches about hope and optimism. He talked about fighting for a future that we could all be proud of.

Speaking of future, maybe I am hopeful because Inauguration Day is later this week. No matter what side of the aisle we sit on, I think we may all be ready to tone down the division and begin to work on some healing. We need our humanity back. We need to come together and respect one another.

This morning when I was reading about Martin Luther King, Jr., I learned that he wrote a book called, “Where do we go from here: Chaos or Community?” He said that community can overcome chaos. I think I may need to add this book to my must read list.

I am feeling hopeful because there is a light at the end of the tunnel with the pandemic. Vaccines are being administered. Maybe we can get back to our normal by the end of this year.

But mostly when I think about hope, I think about Travis. I can at times feel defeated when I advocate for his future. But I always end up on the side of hope.

I’ve been talking a lot about the book, “Uniquely Human”, by Barry M. Prizant, PhD. He says, “The parents I know who cope the best are those who find a way to have faith and trust. The common factor is hope.”

I started out with one set of hopes and dreams for my child. Over time my hopes and dreams became more simple. My hope for Travis is that he find happiness. Simplicity. I need to focus on his most important needs now.

That means getting over what did or did not happen in the past. I cannot change it. Look back with the benefit of hindsight. And grace.

It also means I need to stop worrying about what may or may not come in the future.

It’s hard to have long term perspective when I get mired in the day-to-day stuff. Which represents just a moment in time. I need to remember that it’s important to review the progress made.

Prizant states, “When the challenges seem greatest, hope can be in short supply”.

He reminded me that human development is a life long process.

How do we help Travis to be happy? Prizant says that it is important for autistic individuals to have the ability to emotionally self-regulate. Travis is not there.

Prizant states, “Positive emotional experiences enhances the quality of life. Being happy also makes you a more desirable person to be with.

In order to advance the mind, we must first energize the spirit.”

I need to put my thinking cap on. I wish it was as easy as asking Travis what it would take for him to be happy. He has a ton of grand ideas. Ideas that are not affordable. Or realistic. Like living on a beach.

Travis is stuck on the idea that more material things will make him happy. Or being anyone but himself will make him happy.

As I ponder his happiness, I am brought back to the day-to-day. His live-in aide of the last two plus years has moved out. She had told us on several occasions that she was moving on. It never happened. Until it did.

I am being careful to not let my mind think the worst. So when I talked to Travis about it I asked him what he thought about the situation. I asked him if he thought he might want to give living on his own a shot. I also told him that he didn’t have to decide right away. That even if he decided to try living on his own, he had the option of changing his mind.

He started to come up with ideas for using the extra space.

Having a live-in aide makes my life easier, I’m not going to lie. It’s always nice to have someone else looking out for his best interest.

But then something Prizant wrote keeps gnawing at me, “Too often those who work with people with autism pay excessive attention to what is going wrong, what is challenging and difficult. It’s hard to trust a person who consistently responds to you with negative comments or criticism or who is constantly trying to change or fix you. Life is challenging enough without being reminded what you can’t do or what you do wrong.”

Will living on his own bring him happiness? Living without constant reminders of what he needs to do to be a better person, a better friend, a better roommate? Even if it is said out of love, but not necessarily with love?

I guess I am about to find out.

“Hope is an orientation of spirit, an orientation of the heart. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. - Vaclav Havel

“You are not here merely to make a living; you are here in order to enable the world to live more amply, with a greater vision, with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world, and you impoverish yourself if you forget the errand.” - Woodrow Wilson

One step towards happiness. A man and his dog. Sleeping on my couch. Because it’s easier for Travis to drive here and let his dog run wild for a couple of hours than actually take her for a walk. Plus he gets a home cooked meal! Ha ha!