Travis Tuesday

Tracy and I drove separately to the cabin Friday night. He is planning to spend a week there. I wanted to do the same. But I came back today, so that I would be available for Travis Tuesday. I’ve been doing Travis Tuesday for several years. Let me think for a second. We moved Travis into a place of his own seven years ago. So I have been doing Travis Tuesday for seven years.

Tuesday is the day I reserve for Travis. I do spend other days with him. But Tuesday is the given. I make all of his doctors and dentist appointments on Tuesday when possible. I used to take him to his Tae Kwon Do class on Tuesdays. Before Covid. We run his errands and go grocery shopping. His errands can be anything from taking his cat to the veterinarian to putting gas in his car.

Routine is important. So as much as I would have liked to stay at the cabin, I came home. We do not have wifi or cell phone coverage at the cabin. We have friends that do have coverage. They put a cell booster up at their cabin. We tried to do the same, but our cabin sits in a valley. We have not been able to get a booster to work. We have tried two so far.

I am on the fence about whether I really want my phone to work while I am there. In my blog article called, “Nine Times a Day”, I wrote about how on average, Travis calls me nine times a day. Sometimes he just needs to touch me. I describe that as his need to make sure that I am there. Most times he calls, it is to ask for money. He is a bit of a shopaholic and has great difficulty understanding or following a budget. Sometimes he needs me to talk him through a situation, in the moment.

Each time I am at the cabin, I bring my phone over to our friend’s cabin. This past weekend our friends were not there. But I found that if I stood at their front door and waited, sometimes I would get enough bars that my texts came through. Maybe this only works if they leave the booster on? Sometimes even my mail, or a voicemail comes through. I hope they did not have their game camera up. It would have taken several pictures of me and my dogs standing on their deck. While I was there, I also made a change to my fantasy football line-up. (They will find out that I was there anyway, they read my blog!)

I do not text or call Travis unless he has tried to reach me. I am trying to wean him from his need to contact me as often as he does.

This morning, as I am driving home, the moment I get into cell range, my phone starts to sing to me. The new mail sound, the voicemail sound, the text sound. Again and again. My stomach immediately feels sick. That feeling it gets when the anxiety sets in. I read somewhere recently that if your phone rings, and you see that it is a certain person, and you stomach gets sick - that is a sign that you do too much for that person. That you have a physical reaction because you know this person on the line is going to ask you for something.

Hmmm. Sounds familiar. My person oftentimes, either needs something or is in crisis mode.

I am on a highway, so I am unable to pull over to read my texts. Once I get into town, I pull in a parking lot. I am pleasantly surprised to find that although some of the texts were regarding setting up appointments for Travis, none of them are from Travis. I would love to get to a place where my brain doesn’t automatically think the worst. But in order to retrain my brain, I am going to need many more examples like today. Where everything was ok.

I have taken Tuesdays off in the past. Tomorrow we have a glass guy coming to replace a couple of windows that are broken. Last weeks snow was a reminder that we need to get these repairs done. We also are meeting with a new employee of a provider agency. Travis used to have a young man come once a week to help him with preparing a meal or two for the week. When that young man quit his job with the agency, they did not have someone to replace him. After several weeks of no contact from that provider agency, it became clear to me that replacing that position for Travis was not at the top of their priority list.

And then Covid. Providers are starting to see their clients again. With masks, of course. We are meeting with a young woman tomorrow afternoon from a different provider agency.

So on this particular Tuesday, I need to be there. Because even though Travis will invite people he hardly knows into his home, that is by his choice. When I set up appointments with people he doesn’t know, he needs support. Plus, guess who gets to pay the glass guy?

I am also the keeper of the calendar. So if they decide they are a good fit to do some cooking together, I will need to schedule a weekly time. I update the whiteboard calendar on Travis’s freezer door with his appointments. He actually needs to be reminded to look at the calendar.

Today was one of those days that I had the best of intentions. I would get home in good time and get started on my blog. I even had a fairly decent outline written. But then I had several emails to respond to. And a long phone call with a good friend. Those are always priority for me. Two women filling each other’s buckets.

Several phone calls from Travis. The only reason it didn’t get to nine calls today is because I did not answer when I was on the other line. Nothing serious. But getting me side-tracked just the same.

The outline covers an emotional topic. One that I don’t have the energy to tackle today. Watch for it next Monday.

I am tired. And the Bronco game is starting soon. So I am going to call in a night.

She believed she could. But she was tired. So she rested and you know what? The world went on and it was okay. And she knew she could try again tomorrow. - Author Unknown