“Stop-Doing” List
Last week I wrote about coming up with a word for the year. I shared with you that my word was “Healing”. I mentioned that my heart hurt and that I needed to work on healing it. I shared that a good place to start was accepting that I can’t fix Travis’s pain.
This week I came upon this quote:
“You can’t heal the people that you love. You can’t make choices for them. You can promise that they won’t journey alone. You can loan them your map. But the trip is theirs.” - Laura Jean Truman
Do you find quotes that are meaningful in your life just when you need to hear them? Or does that just happen to me?
Here’s another quote I came across this week that I needed to hear:
“Sometimes you need a ‘stop doing’ list as badly as you do a ‘to do’ list.” - Author Unknown
A “stop doing” list. Remember the advice of ruthless self-care I shared last week from a podcaster I listen to, Cathy Heller? She said:
“You are not responsible for everyone.”
“It’s not your job to make everyone happy.”
“Over giving and over functioning is self-abandonment.”
“Learn to say no.”
“Practice receiving.”
“Open your palms.”
Learn to say no. Over giving and over functioning is self-abandonment. I have to keep repeating these ideas in my head.
Today I received an email from CASA of Larimer County asking if I was ready to take on a new case. I know that I am a good CASA. I know these two kiddos could use my help. I said no. If you know me, you know how difficult that was for me.
The truth is that CASA of Larimer County swore in 101 community members to be new CASAs in 2021. Per the January newsletter, those 101 new CASAs join 197 existing CASAs. They are all good CASAs too.
Those two kiddos will be in good hands, just not my hands. If my plan is to heal my heart, taking a case at this time just doesn’t make sense. Because the stories of the kiddos needing a CASA is heart breaking.
I wanted to highlight some of the words you chose for the year. Compassion. Heal. Forgive. Intentional.
Each of those words is meaningful in the lives of the person that chose them. I love these words for the reasons they gave.
Some people told me they haven’t come up with their word yet. Please be sure to share it with me when you do.
This week I read an article that showed up on my Facebook feed, “22 Tiny Mental Health Habits that Can Improve Your Life in 2022”, by Amber Gibson. I really do think that my phone is listening to my conversations. Here is the link if you want to read the entire article, 22 Tiny Mental Health Habits That Can Improve Your Life In 2022 | HuffPost Life.
Gibson says, “Self-care won’t solve every problem, but these quick and easy activities may at least bring some happiness to your day”. But did you notice that the 22 mental health habits to improve your life are actually self-care activities? Self-care is related to good mental health! Good mental health habits should lead to healing. Right? My word for the year.
I decided to focus on a few of the habits to keep from getting too overwhelmed. Small steps people, small steps!
Drink water. I used to be much better at this than I have been of late. The article states that 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated. Drinking enough water daily can help boost our mood. This seems like a no-brainer and an easy habit to pick back up. I need to remember to be mindful about water consumption.
Take five deep breaths. I take deep breaths often throughout the day. But never five in a row. When I find myself taking that first deep breath, I am going to be mindful to add a few more.
Turn your skin care routine into a few moments of self-care. If I’m being honest, my skin care has been anything but routine since the beginning of Covid-19. The article suggests doing a face mask once a week. That wasn’t part of my skin care routine even before Covid-19. Maybe once every few months. Corey did give me some for Christmas. I love the way my face feels afterwards. I am going to make a point to do this more often, with once a week being a goal.
Perform an act of kindness. I feel like I am pretty good at this habit. It’s probably the only reason my mental health is still holding on at all! Seriously, if performing acts of kindness is good for my mental health, I will look for more opportunities, for sure.
Spend more time outdoors. Per the article, “Spending time outdoors and breathing fresh air is good for the body and mind. Mindfulness in nature can boost your mood.” I know this one works for me!
Spend a few minutes stretching. Per the article, “Even if working out is too much for you to commit to, stretching still releases the same endorphins, which decreases a person’s perception of pain,” said Sharonda Brown, a licensed clinical therapist and national board-certified counselor in Ferguson, Missouri. “This includes emotional pain.”
Call or visit a friend. My tribe is awesome! The article has this to say, “Be intentional about spending time with the people that matter most.”
Remind yourself that someone else’s mood is not your responsibility. This is one I need the most work on. The article states, “Don’t take things people say or believe personally,” said Andrea Dindinger, a San Francisco-based licensed marriage and family therapist. “It’s not necessary to give people a pass for their bad behavior, but it is necessary to remember their bad behavior is not about us. When you don’t take on somebody’s mood as something they are doing to you, you’re actually creating more peace in your life and theirs.” I have read similar messages about this; I am definitely a work in progress when it comes to not taking someone else’s bad behavior as something they are doing to me.
Be mindful of your social media use. Per the article, “Every client that has become intentional about why and for how long they are on social media experiences a huge decrease in their negative emotions,” said Beth Sherman, a psychologist in Arlington Heights, Illinois. “Most say they feel like a burden has been lifted off of them and that they feel freer.”
Gibson says, “If you’re struggling to stay offline entirely (who isn’t?), try using your social media to improve your mood: Limit your viewing to your explore page, watch mindless videos or read funny tweets.” If you know me personally, you know that I love to share the funny memes I find on Facebook with my tribe. It’s a quick way to let my tribe know I am thinking about them. And of course, it’s still okay to read my blog on Facebook or Pinterest!
Create a relaxing bedtime routine. I’m pretty good at this one, except for well, Monday nights. When I am furiously trying to get my blog article done and posted. My intention is always to start this process earlier in the day. For some reason other stuff keeps getting in the way. More on that in a future blog.
Gibson states, “Stress and anxiety are two of the most common reasons for poor sleep. Taking time to unwind ― preferably without your phone for at least 30 minutes before bed ― can help you get a good night’s rest, which in turn improves mood. Read a good book, drink a mug of tea or eat a satisfying dessert, chat with a loved one or do any activity that calms your mind.”
Drink green tea. Does it have to be green tea? Tea is not my favorite, but I can manage flavored tea. I could make it part of my relaxing bedtime routine if it was flavored! Gibson says, “We won’t suggest giving up a beloved cup of coffee for tea, but it might be worth trying to drink more of it during your day. Studies demonstrate that it can reduce anxiety and enhance cognition and focus.”
Meditate. I have an app on my phone called Insight Timer. According to them, they are the world’s largest free library of guided meditations and have 19 million members. Listening to a guided meditation could also be part of creating a relaxing bedtime routine. I won’t tell you when my phone tells me was the last time I used this app. If you have an iPhone, you can find that information under iPhone storage. It’s useful when you’re trying to decide what to delete so that you have enough memory to download the newest software update. (Maybe I should delete some of the funny memes.) What I will tell you is that it’s the new year and I am starting with a clean slate. My plan is to incorporate a guided meditation into my bedtime routine.
I am committing to giving a bit over half of their recommendations a try.
How about all of you? How are you planning on starting with your clean slate? Are you going to keep adding to your “to do” list? Are you going to create a “stop doing” list? Are you going to come up with your word for the year? Or set intentions? Or make resolutions? Or are you going to stick with the same-old, same-old?
I found a sample “Stop Doing” List online. The author is unknown, but it’s a great start!
Checking my email like a crazy person.
Rushing through lunch, phone calls, life!
Skipping yoga.
Doing projects, or anything really, that I’m not passionate about.
Overextending.
Holding on to expectations.
Judging my value on a silly to-do list!
I also found this sample T0-Do List.
Make a NOT to do list.
Haha! Cmon, it’s a little funny!
“The key to having more time is doing less, and there are two paths to get there, both of which should be used together; (1) Define a short to-do list and (2) define a not-to-do list.” - Tim Ferriss