A Clean Slate
“The future is always beginning now.” - Mark Strand
Happy New Year!
Isn’t that a great quote? I like to think of starting a new year as starting with a clean slate. With renewed energy. A renewed sense of hope.
Have you come up with your word for the year? I’ve seen a few good ones. One of my friends posted on Facebook that her word for the year is “Change”. One of my family members posted that her word for the year is “Kindness”.
I follow a podcast, “Don’t Keep Your Day Job”, by Cathy Heller. Her word for the year is “Receive”. Heller states, “All we have to do is set down our resistance to the flow of goodness”. I like that idea.
I follow her because I like a lot of what she has to say. I just need to put her advice into action. She sent an email out last week with the following advice about being ruthless about self-care:
“You are not responsible for everyone.”
“It’s not your job to make everyone happy.”
“Over giving and over functioning is self-abandonment.”
“Learn to say no.”
“Practice receiving.”
“Open your palms.”
It’s almost as if she is talking directly to me.
I’ve given quite a bit of thought about my word for the year and decided on “Healing”.
If you know me personally, then you know that I say, “My heart hurts”, when I have experienced something sad, heard something sad, or even read something sad. I find myself commenting on posts that my heart hurts.
I wrote recently in my blog, “Words Matter”, that I am coming to realize that you can love your family member deeply and do everything in your power to help them and it may not be enough. Ever. This realization is breaking my heart.
I remember when the idea of writing our story first starting percolating, I kept putting it off. I came up with all types of excuses. But the truth is that I was waiting for the happy ending. People want to read stories with happy endings.
But in life, as we all know, not all stories have a happy ending.
So, I decided to write a story about a mother who never gave up. A story about unturning stones until she found the stone that is hiding some magic answer. But finding stones to unturn is getting harder and harder.
I’ve realized that Travis is either incapable or unwilling to do the work necessary to feel better. At least at this time.
I need to find healing for my heart. I think that may start with accepting that I can’t fix his pain. Accepting that I have done my best. And letting go of the guilt I feel because, as Tish Melton sings in her song, “We Can Do Hard Things”, I’m not the problem. Sometimes things just fall apart.
I am going to need some therapy around finding that acceptance without feeling like I gave up.
I also need to work on defining limits around how much I can do as part of my healing.
These past two weeks I have had to pack up the personal belongings of another homeless person that found their way to Travis’s. Twice. Cleaning up his home is exponentially harder when extra people are hanging out and not picking up after themselves.
If Travis doesn’t mind the mess, maybe I just need to cut myself some slack. Do what I can and let go of the rest. The rest will still be there when I get to it.
Have you thought about having a word for 2022? A word can help us focus on a direction for the next twelve months rather than resolutions that only last a few days.
Per www.mountainmodernlife.com, “Ready to make changes in 2022? I don’t know about you, but I love the idea of choosing a word of the year vs. a new year resolution because it helps bring focus and clarity to what we want to create in our lives. This isn’t about crossing another goal off your list; it’s about creating a mantra to help guide your daily actions and become a better version of yourself.”
Here are the steps to choosing a word as listed in the article:
Reflect - on the past year. Get a sense of the direction you would like to go or what you feel may be lacking in your life.
Visualize - sit in silence, let your intuition shine through and bring your word to the forefront.
Create - a list of the words that come to mind. If you need help, there are lists of possible words online.
Review and refine - narrow down to your three favorites. Chances are you’ll see a theme.
Ask yourself this question - are you interested or are you committed? If you’re merely interested, then chances are you’ll make excuses as to why you’re not putting forth effort to actually make changes. But if you’re committed to your word, you’ll do what it takes to implement that word and bring more of it into your life.
I am 100% committed to healing. I know that some of you will hold me to it.
Comment on my blog site, or Facebook, (wherever you are finding me), and let me know if you chose a word for the year, and if so, what it is. I would love to hear from you.
“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.” - Ann Landers