Easier Said Than Done
I’m doing all the things. Starting with accepting that Travis’s mental health will likely always be precarious. With all of us getting through it one day at a time. My friends must realize how difficult surrendering to the idea of this is for me.
One friend sent me a beautiful card. I recognized the card because I have sent it to others in the past. Maybe you’ve read this poem.
“The Oak Tree”
A mighty wind blew night and day. It stole the oak tree’s leaves away,
Then snapped its boughs and pulled its bark, until the oak was tired and stark.
But still the oak tree held its ground, while other trees fell all around.
The weary wind gave up and spoke, “how can you still be standing, Oak?”
The oak tree said, “I know that you can break each branch of mine in two,
Carry every leaf away, shake my limbs, and make me sway.
But I have roots stretched in the earth, growing stronger since my birth.
You’ll never touch them, for you see, they are the deepest part of me.
Until today, I wasn’t sure of just how much I could endure.
But now I’ve found, with thanks to you, I’m stronger than I ever knew.”
- Author Unknown
The card goes on to say, “Especially now, try to remember that you’re stronger than any problem you encounter or any disappointment life will bring.”
Thank you friend for the beautiful card. You know who you are!
Another friend sent me a text, “You ok? I’m worried about you.”
Doing all the things must not be showing yet. Surrendering must be weighing on me more than I realize.
I read an article on AARP’s website, (Yes I am old enough. One of my friends thought it would be great fun to gift me an AARP membership when I turned fifty. I’m not going to say how many years ago! You also know who you are!) www.aarp.org, “Natural Stress Remedies for Right Now”, by Hallie Levine.
The first tip is to fuel up with the right foods. I am working on it. I have been doing Noom for about six weeks now. Noom uses the latest in proven behavioral science to empower people to take control of their health for good. The lesson I worked on today was called, “Meet cortisol - the stress hormone”. Noom says, “A stressor can be a person, a situation, or an environment. Our body reacts with an automatic fight or flight response which triggers it to produce cortisol.
Chronic stress and high levels of cortisol are associated with weight gain, weakened immune system, anxiety and depression and chronic conditions like hypertension or heart disease. Cortisol plays a role in regulating metabolism, blood sugar levels, and inflammation.”
I think that most of us are aware of cortisol and the havoc stress wreaks on our bodies. The best way to manage stress is to stop it before it starts.
My Noom lesson gave four “Psych Tips” to manage stress:
Opt for an “Oh, well” stress statement. Saying “Oh, well” doesn’t mean giving up. It means acknowledging how you feel in the moment (stressed), accepting it and carrying on anyway. Accept it, and move on, preventing you from spiraling into a state of ongoing stress.
“Oh, well, what’s done is done.”
“Oh, well, I did everything I could.”
“Oh, well, this is really out of my control.”
“Oh, well, this situation won’t last forever.”
Single task. Do one task at a time so you can do it well and get more done. Self-control or willpower is a limited resource. When we take on too much - multitasking our self-control vanishes and stress ensues.
Create a thanks-but-no-thanks phrase.
Be mindful. 32% of our time we are stuck in the past or worrying about our future. This type of time travel is a top source of stress.
To be honest, even my present time is full of stress. I definitely need to get better at managing it!
The AARP article lists being mindful as its second tip towards naturally reducing stress. If you’ve been following my blog, you know that I have been reading a lot regarding mindfulness. In, “The Little Book of Mindfulness”, the author Tiddy Rowan says, “Only 10% of our stress is due to what happens, whereas 90% is due to how we think about what happens.” I resemble that remark!
The third tip in the AARP article is to stay active, especially outdoors. Noom says the same thing, stop the stress with exercise. Exercise is good for your health, but is also really good for your mood. Exercise boosts serotonin and reduces cortisol. When your serotonin levels are where they are supposed to be you’ll feel happier, calmer and more stable.
Especially outdoors. Noom agrees, vitamin D helps to boost your mood. Best way to get it? Sunlight.
Per Levine, the fourth tip is to set a power-down routine. “When it comes to sleep and anxiety, it's a little bit of the chicken-and-the-egg syndrome: Anxiety makes it hard to nod off, then sleep deprivation makes your mood worse the next day. But people with insomnia are 17 times more likely to have clinical anxiety than more sound sleepers, according to the National Sleep Foundation.”
Noom also has a lot to say about the importance of sleep on our health. “Lack of sleep feeds into the stress cycle by impacting your memory, judgement and mood, making you much more likely to feel stressed all over again. Not only are you more susceptible to stress, but lack of sleep can make you perceive stress sooner. This means you’re likely to view the same situation as more overwhelming if you’re low on sleep vs. well rested.”
And get this, “Studies show that people who get 8.5 hours of sleep a night burn around 400 more calories a day than those that sleep 5.5 hours a night.”
One way to get better sleep? Ease up on electronics. Set a bedtime routine: pick a time to unplug, do something relaxing and set a bedtime.
I have been reading, coloring or doing Sudoku puzzles.
I am doing all the things. I am focusing on self-care. I am seeing a therapist. I have a massage scheduled for tomorrow morning, the first one in a very long time. I am having lunches and dinners with family and friends. I am learning more about my health through Noom, and working on making better choices on what I eat. I am getting more exercise. I am reading more and watching less TV. I listen to music. I retired from being a CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate) because my heart was in a constant state of rawness and needed a break. I am learning to say no in order to stop over doing.
Tracy and I have been going on dates with our phones turned off, a Lee Brice concert and a fancy steak restaurant.
I even took a bath.
Then as I wrote last week, life happens. Travis melts down, calls me more times than the average nine times a day, his psychiatrist makes me mad and I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs.
How long before all the things I’m doing take effect? Building habits takes time and practice. I will always have stress in my life, but I need to learn to manage it and change how I react to it. It’s easier said than done. But did I say, I’m doing all the things?
“If we can just let go and trust that things will work out the way they’re supposed to, without trying to control the outcome, then we can begin to enjoy the moment more fully. The joy of the freedom it brings becomes more pleasurable than the experience itself.” - Goldie Hawn
“Everything is easier said than done. Wanting something is easy. Saying something is easy. The challenge and the reward are in the doing.” - Steve Maraboli