Until Infinity and Beyond

When Travis was younger he had a very specific order in which he needed things done. I’ve mentioned this before. For example, he slept with several blankets on him. I now know that it was the weight of the blankets that helped him to sleep better at night. When we tucked him in, we had to put the blankets over him in a specific order facing with the images up and be sure that they were not upside down.

He also played in a specific way. He would line up his cars in a certain order. Like by color, style or size.

As parents, we were unable to send him to his room to clean. We couldn’t say, “Go clean your room and don’t come out until you’re done”. For a couple of reasons.

Cleaning was difficult because he was unable to organize his thoughts, let alone his room. But adding the part about not coming out until he was done set him off. Not immediately. After being in his room for a few minutes he started to pace. He behaved like a caged animal.

Travis could play in his room at length if he chose to. But telling him he couldn’t come out was different. I picked up on that and changed my wording.

I also learned that if I stood in his doorway and coached him, he was better able to clean his room. Pick up the books and place them on the shelf. Pick up the clothes off the floor and run them to the laundry room. I bet you can’t get there and back before I count to ten. Pick up the toys and put them in your toy box. You get the picture.

We did not get an official diagnosis of autism until Travis was eleven. These behaviors are characteristic of a child on the autism spectrum.

Travis was dealing with some other quirks. That’s what we called them at the time.

From a fairly young age Travis was unable to get rid of anything. The blankets he slept with? They were the ones we were given for him at the baby shower. The quilted ones with cute bears and such on them. He kept them until they were thin and worn out. His grandma had already fixed them once or twice. We still have them stored away in my hope chest.

Happy Meal toys were the bane of our existence. First, he never got the one he wanted. We had a saying that we repeated each time we were in the drive through. “You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit.” Travis wanted to negotiate with the fast food worker about what else may be available. With a line of cars behind us.

If he had his way we would still have every one of those plastic toys yet today. He may think we do.

As parents we had to get creative. We bought two huge Rubbermaid containers. One for each kid. We had them put their special items in the containers. The ones that they no longer used or grown out of. It was extremely difficult to get Travis to commit to putting anything in the container.

Very similar to asking Tracy to put items in a box for an upcoming garage sale. Evidently, Tracy does not own any junk.

So oftentimes I put stuff in the container for Travis. And in the garage sale box for Tracy.

I assured him that the container was going in the garage. And they both did. Up in the rafters. So that they couldn’t easily take things back out.

Years later we gave Corey her prized stuff from her container. When she had her own home. As she perused through it she asked me why we still had that stuff. I had to remind her that there was a time that she held those items in high regard. If I remember right, most of the stuff ended up in her trash.

Every now and again Travis would ask about an item he was looking for. My go to answer was, “If you can’t find it in your room or your toy box, it may be in the bin in the garage. That was good enough for him. Truth be told, if everything that I said might be in the bin was really in the bin, the bin would have needed to be the size of the garage. Or bigger.

Corey and Matt, have their boys donate the toys they no longer play with on an annual basis. Travis would NEVER be able to do that. Because he still plays with and needs everything.

Obviously we couldn’t keep all of Travis’s things over the years, even with the container. Things got broken or no longer worked. We had to get creative once again.

On one occasion Tracy and I were in Travis’s room. Travis was upstairs watching cartoons. We had purchased a new mattress for Travis. We got this bright idea on a great way to use the huge piece of plastic that the mattress came wrapped in. We put a bunch of the junk that Travis had acquired as well as some old and broken toys in the plastic and wrapped it.

Travis’s bedroom was in the basement towards the front of the house. His windows were egress windows. Tracy’s truck was parked on the driveway. He went outside and pulled the plastic through Travis’s window while I fed it to him. We didn’t want to get caught in the act. As we forced the bag through the window we heard Buzz Lightyear call out, “To infinity and beyond"!

Which was really funny because the movie “Toy Story” is about Andy growing older and no longer playing with his old toys. The toys didn’t want to be replaced. It was almost as if Buzz Lightyear wanted Travis to hear what we were up to. And because if Travis had his way he would keep his things until infinity and beyond. C’mon, it’s a little funny!

We continued to hear Buzz talking from the back of the pickup. Good grief Buzz!

Back then we thought that Travis not wanting to get rid of things was a quirk. Today we realize that it is a bit more serious than that.

If not for me, Travis would be living in a hoarding situation. This is not a characteristic of being on the autism spectrum. This falls somewhere in his mental health category.

I didn’t know much about what causes hoarding, until I found myself watching the television show, “Hoarders”. I came across it a couple of different times while channel surfing. I was shocked by what I was seeing. And saddened.

The family members that were helping with the clean up would say things like, “We had no idea it was this bad”. Clearly it had been awhile since they visited last.

I now have a better understanding of how that might happen. Their loved ones isolate themselves. Or they refuse help.

I truly do not want to know what Travis’s home would look like if I wasn’t there every week. On a weekly basis I walk around with a trash bag in hand and proceed to fill it. We do have a housecleaning company that goes in once a week. They shared with me that there are many things that Travis will not allow them to throw away.

I am able to get away with it. One of the things that I have to pick up each week is plastic gallon sized milk jugs. Every week Travis tells me that he is saving them to use for a water jug. Or a project. To which I respond, I just brought you three gallons of milk today. So there will be more. I say this every week.

Used to be the same thing with the two liter pop bottles. Except I don’t buy him pop anymore since he was diagnosed with diabetes. He was going to save each and every one and make lava lamps or some other project.

Travis doesn’t have the money to excessively buy, but he does excessively acquire. Travis is the person that stops and picks up the things left curbside that say free on them. Could be a baby stroller. Could be a broken office chair. It’s the type of stuff Goodwill will not take. Like fish tanks and bowling balls.

We have had to make trips to the dump and pay to leave furniture that was in horrible condition. Pieces that his neighbors left out. Pieces that caregivers have left. I talk to him about bugs, lice and germs.

Corey and Matt recently upgraded their living room furniture. They gave Travis their living room set. It was in much better condition than what he had. We gave him a set that was in great condition at the time. Almost seven years ago.

It had served it’s life. But Travis didn’t want to part with it. Couldn’t he at least give it to a friend?

According to the Mayo Clinic, some of the key symptoms of hoarding are cluttered living spaces, acquiring useless items, and moving items from one pile to another without the ability to throw anything away. Hoarders also have trouble making decisions about organizing possessions.

Most every article I read said that clues start in childhood. Problems with hoarding develop over time. By middle age symptoms can become severe and it gets harder to treat.

Most people that hoard have other mental health diagnoses like depression, anxiety or obsessive compulsive disorder. I wasn’t surprised to read that trauma can be a trigger for a hoarding disorder. Other causes can be genetic or brain functioning. There is a link between depression and clutter. Some experts say that decluttering may make us feel better. I have taken that to heart and have been working on my home as well.

My plan is to help Travis manage his “stuff” as long as I am able. I’m not sure that a psychiatrist would agree, but I feel like if we are able to continue to stay ahead of it, maybe it will not get a hold on him. I refuse to let it build up. I throw some things away in front of him. What works best is when he loses interest. That’s when I make the most headway.

I do not get rid of things that have emotional significance. Travis still has our family dog Oreo’s collar.

For Christmas this year I bought him kitchen cupboard organizers and storage bins and drawers. It was hard to tell if he enjoyed those gifts less or the clothes.

Travis has boxes of stuff stored in the Tuff shed in his yard.

You would be surprised at how much stuff that shed can hold. Wink-wink.

Oh and Tracy, I never really sold anything of yours at a garage sale unless you put it in the box.

“Clutter is nothing more than postponed decisions.” - Barbara Hemphill

“Getting rid of physical clutter also declutters the mind and soul.” - April Williams

“Remove clutter as soon as possible. There’s a reason you feel so good after cleaning. Your home is an extension of your aura. Get rid of old belongings that aren’t aligned with who you are anymore. Old things carry old energy. Broken things carry stuck energy. Release them all.” - themindsjournal.com