Adulting is Hard

Have you been wondering how Travis’s new job is going?

Travis gave his two week notice this past Friday. Only because I insisted (that he give a notice) and his job coach went in with him. And then he texted in sick to work his next shift. Which was the very next day.

This experience lasted just about six weeks. With us being gone one of those weeks on our Lake Powell vacation.

Things just fell apart. The owner that asked me on the phone if Travis could work with him told us that Travis would only work when the owner was there. He said that he needed Travis to unpack shipments on Fridays.

Because the job was important to Travis I rescheduled the provider that worked with him cooking on Fridays to another day. She rearranged her clients days in order to accommodate Travis.

Travis’s job coach arranged her schedule so that she could stop in on Fridays. The job coach let the owner know that we had a planned vacation, so Travis wouldn’t be available on two Fridays during that time. Could he work Saturday just the one time when he returned. The owner agreed.

Travis worked a Friday. The feedback the owner gave Travis was that he did better than expected and all was good.

We took our vacation, returned very late on Friday, so Travis worked the next day as agreed.

The following week Travis went in at his regular time, on Friday. The owner was not there. Travis was told that he was scheduled for the next day. The employee told Travis that the owner was at his other business, a liquor store. Travis went there to talk to the owner. Which I thought was very adult-like. He mentioned to the owner that he thought he would be working with him at the vape store on Fridays.

To which the owner replied, “Someone that works only five hours per week is not high on my priority list”. He told Travis that he could put in a couple of hours at the liquor store unpacking liquor.

Travis called me and wanted to quit. The comment hit him hard. He told me that he thought the owner respected him, but he no longer believed that to be the case.

I told him that I thought it was ok for him to not work at the liquor store that day because he wasn’t on the schedule to work there. But I asked him to go into the vape store on Saturday as scheduled. I told him that I would update the job coach and ask her to revisit the situation with the owner.

The job coach was also surprised with the change. Supporting Travis on Saturdays wasn’t in her plan and she wasn’t going to be able to, at least for a couple of weeks, as she had committed to other plans on her calendar.

Travis did work the following day. The owner was not there. I talked him through it a few times during the day when he called me.

The first time the owner paid Travis he gave him cash. Travis spent all the cash within two hours, most of it on pizza with friends. He said one friend took the cash and was supposed to give him some change back but never did. Travis pitched in $45 that night for his share of pizza.

In the past Travis had his pay direct deposited to a debit card. This owner doesn’t do direct deposit. I asked Travis if there was a paystub he said no. I asked him if there was a check that the owner cashed for him. He said no. He handed me cash.

The job coach was trying to reach the owner about the schedule. I asked her to also ask the owner about Travis getting a paystub. I need the numbers to report to SSI. And the owner had yet to complete the employment verification form for HUD.

Travis was on the schedule the following week for Saturday. He went to work, the owner was not there. He went home early because he wasn’t feeling well. Mental health-wise. He was having great difficulty processing that the position was not going at all as planned. He didn’t call me. Probably because he knew that I would ask him to stay, and be patient while we worked out the kinks.

Travis told the person he was working with that he was supposed to be working on Fridays. That the owner said he would be working on Fridays. This guy told Travis that he was in charge of the schedule and he would be scheduling Travis for Saturdays.

The following week Travis was again on the schedule for Saturday. He didn’t work with the owner, but the owner stopped by and gave him a check for $40. Still no paystub. I have no idea how many hours that covers, and I have no idea what Travis is supposed to be making per hour. The owner told Travis he still didn’t have the HUD form ready as his accountant is out of town.

This is a form that asks for a estimated amount of hours per week and at what rate. An accountant is not necessary to fill out this form. I had actually filled it out for him and just needed his signature. When I stopped by to get the signature the owner wasn’t there. So I left the form before we went on vacation. He lost it. So I forwarded another one to the job coach. Which he said she could pick up the following week.

Eventually we got the form. Still waiting on a paystub for two payrolls.

The next week Travis was scheduled on a Saturday, His brain insists that he work on Fridays because that was the agreement.

He worked with two other employees, but not the owner. These two employees told him that he had to stay in the back room and price items. Which made Travis feel less than. He was ok to do the pricing, but wanted to be in front with the others. Where the action was. Not by himself in the back room.

The owner called him while he was at work and said that Travis had two complaints against him. He shared that he had been told that Travis pushes too hard to add on sales. The owner had heard this, he wouldn’t know personally, he hadn’t worked with Travis since day one. The day that Travis exceeded his expectations since he did make some good add on sales.

This conversation was over the telephone while Travis was at work. He was unable to reach me to process. I was at our cabin and didn’t have cell service. His job coach was not available to stop in that day, but did answer her phone and tried to redirect him.

When I talked to Travis later he had already decided that he was done. I told him that it was important to give a two week notice. Only when the job coach told him that she would help him did he agree to do it. Then he texted in sick the next day at 10:40am for an 11:00am shift.

My guess is that he will not be working the last day, this coming Saturday. I’m sure the owner doesn’t care at this point.

When we were talking about him quitting he said that he was going to tell the boss he had to quit because of family issues. I asked him what family issues? We were happy he found a job and I thought given more time, we could work out the kinks. Travis said it would be easiest to say it was family issues. Which means he was going to somehow tell the owner that it was because of me.

Granted, if Travis was going to continue to work there, the owner wasn’t going to be able to pay him under the table. But he should have known that from the beginning. I mean he needed to fill out a form for government housing and Travis had a job coach provided by the state.

Back when the owner made the comment about an employee that only works five hours a week is not a high priority, I sent the owner this text, “Hi (Owner), my name is Glenda and I am Travis’s mom. Thanks for giving him a work opportunity. Travis is on the autism spectrum and has a learning disability. Because of his diagnoses he qualifies for services. The reason it’s important for him to work the same day each week is because he has providers that work with him to help him with things like cooking. We moved providers schedules because he is so excited to be working with you. Routine is good for him as well.

Once he gets in a groove with working he may be able to add more hours. We like to take it slow because his team wants to be sure he’s successful before he gives up any benefits. I wanted to give you a bit of background so that you could better understand his situation. Thanks so much. He likes you and the job. He told me that he appreciates that you show him respect. I know five hours isn’t a lot, but it’s extremely meaningful to him! Let me know if you have any questions.”

His reply, “He does great! And glad that he’s on the team! I will have the paperwork completed and to him when I see him on Saturday!”

That didn’t happen. Travis didn’t see him and didn’t receive any paperwork.

But my point being that my text sounds like a supportive mom that is happy about Travis working.

Travis then said I will tell him that I have to quit because the job is affecting my mental health. I asked Travis, “How about you tell him the truth? Which is that the owner let him down. That he thought he could be successful in this job because he would be working with the owner directly, and have his support.”

I tried to make it a teachable moment. I told Travis that he is an adult. And that sometimes adulting can be hard. Tell the owner the truth. Travis said that he still wanted to be able to shop there. I was able to use that angle to tell him the importance of giving notice.

I wanted Travis to keep trying. But at the same time, I understood where he was coming from. The owner did not follow through with his terms. Asking Travis to continue to do something against his will never ends well. He uses his words, no matter how inappropriate or unkind, and if you hear him but are not listening, he will show you exactly how he is feeling with behaviors.

Travis told me that he doesn’t want to try to work again. He wants to give up.

His pain in this moment is real. My hope is that it will fade with time. I have to admit that I am afraid that this is going to be one one of those experiences that he will bring up for years to come.

I was so excited for this opportunity for Travis. If only….

“Being an adult is like folding a fitted sheet.” - Author Unknown

“Dear Universe, I missed the How to be an Adult 101 classes. Send help. And my mom.” - Author Unknown