Riding the Wave

Can you believe it is February already? And not just February, but the 7th! One week gone.

My first blog in January I wrote about starting the new year with a clean slate. I chose the word “healing” as my word of the year. I have been working so hard unturning stones to help Travis to feel better that I neglected myself.

As a caregiver, I am suffering from a major case of burn-out. I decided that the new year was a good time to start focusing on doing some much overdue work on myself. So that I can better serve others in my life.

The next week I wrote about creating a “stop-doing” list as part of my healing journey. I keep repeating the saying, “Over-giving and over-functioning is self-abandonment” in my head. I am doing all the things: drinking more water, deep breathing, meditations on my Insight Timer app, spending time outdoors, reading…

The third week of January I wrote about the power of rest. It’s okay to not always be productive or not feel like doing something, guilt-free.

As part of my healing, I have been working on spending less time on social media. My fourth blog in January I wrote about how technology and social media can be both a blessing and a curse.

Then last week I wrote about simply believing that I can make the changes I am focused on. I can replace some bad habits with some good habits. I can stop my brain from distorting thoughts. I can stay positive about upcoming changes in Travis’s care.

My hope is that as I write about making some changes in my life, that you too are contemplating making some changes in your life. Unless you already have this life thing down pat!

With all of this focus on my healing, I’ve been pretty quiet on the Travis front.

My calendar has been as full as ever taking care of his needs. Last week Travis had lab work done. Even after four months of therapeutic blood draws his red blood cell count is elevated. In fact, it was higher than when we started the blood draw protocol. Travis had an appointment with his hematologist last week as well.

Still to come on my February calendar for Travis? His cat, Alsoa, has her annual doctor appointment. He has an appointment with his family physician and an eye doctor appointment. He also has an appointment with the hematologist’s nurse to learn about a new medication that he will be taking.

But there is also stuff on my calendar for me. Therapy, lunch with a friend, book club, snowmobiling and a concert.

Back to Travis. The hematologist has recommended that we stop the therapeutic blood draws. Which is fine with us! Travis hates needles and it was a stressful experience for him, me and the phlebotomist! The doctor wants Travis to begin a medication called Hydrea. Hydrea is a type of chemo used for some cancers. It also happens to be very good at lowering red blood cell count. The meeting I mentioned with the nurse is to educate us on using Hydrea.

Of course, I googled Hydrea. There is a long list of precautions. Wash your hands before and after using. Do not chew, swallow capsules whole. Pregnant women should not touch this medicine. Reading through the precaution list and having to schedule a special appointment to learn more doesn’t give this mom warm fuzzies. At the same time, I don’t want my son to have a heart attack or a stroke.

This makes five medications that Travis will be taking daily to maintain his mental and physical health.

Somewhere along the line in all my self-care, I heard the term “riding the wave”. Riding the wave is using mindfulness to help cope with urges when working on changing habits. Like the urge to eat that chocolate brownie.

Riding the wave is also a psychological practice of surfing your own powerful and negative emotions. Per Riding the Wave: DBT and Distress Tolerance - Erika's Lighthouse (erikaslighthouse.org), “A surfer doesn’t fight the powerful ocean wave; he moves with the wave riding its natural tide. Fighting emotions such as sadness and anger delays the acceptance of these emotions.

Riding the wave is about allowing your emotions to be with you without acting ineffectively. Like a tidal wave coming and going, you will get back to a place of calm rather than emotional turmoil. Just as the waves in an ocean change, so do your emotions. Like waves, your emotions might be calm and peaceful one moment and at another rocky and unpredictable.

Urge surfing or riding the wave involves observing and coping with the experience without trying to change it. We want to ride the urges until they ebb and wash out. It’s challenging to accept our thoughts and manage our emotions, but if we can learn how to ride the wave, we can prevent our urges from dictating our behavior. We can be more secure knowing that we have control over our behavior and learn how to make wise decisions to enhance productivity in our everyday life experiences.”

I am already at nine calls from Travis and the day isn’t over yet. He had a pretty rough start to the day.

All the appointments. All the calls. My life is always going to be stressful.

But I am going to get off of the rollercoaster. I never did enjoy roller coasters. I am going to learn to ride the waves instead.

I always have loved the beach.

“You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” - Jon Kabat-Zinn

“A smooth sea never made a skillful sailor.” - Author Unknown