Money Doesn't Grow on Trees

Have you read my blog post, “Nine Times a Day”? I wrote about how Travis calls me on average nine times a day. I actually counted his calls to me over several days and did the math.

My first call from Travis today was at 9am. The good news is that he was already up at 9am. Meaning he may have gone to bed in good time last night. The bad news is less quiet time for me. It’s likely that I will get more than nine calls today because they are starting earlier.

Are you thinking that I should be happy that my child wants to keep in touch? I have one of those black and white wood signs that says, “Money isn’t everything, but it keeps the kids in touch”. I bought it for myself because I laughed out loud when I read it.

There was a day when this was true of both of my kids. I remember way back, when Corey was a college student, telling her that I was going to Sam’s Club to get groceries. She would ask if she could come along. I thought she wanted to spend time with her mom. Until I came out of the store with all kinds of snackies for her dorm room. Even though she had the meal plan at the university!

Corey grew up to become a successful businesswoman, wife and mother. She does not call and ask me for money.

Travis will always be staying in touch. Of the nine calls a day that I receive, I’m going to guess that 90% of them are a question about money. When I answer the phone Travis says, “I have a question for you”. I immediately take a deep breath. Because I am going to have to try to explain to him about budgeting. Again.

When he starts the call with that phrase it is always about needing money. I remember telling him, like every great parent tells their kids, money doesn’t grow on trees. (Cmon, if you’re a parent, you have said this.) To which he replied, well it kinda does because money is made of paper and paper comes from trees. Ok smart ass.

I would fall over in shock if Travis called and said something like, “Hey mom, just calling to see how you’re doing and to tell you I love you”.

Travis needs money for cigarettes. Which are now $8.50 per pack. He is addicted to nicotine, and it is not pretty when he is going through withdrawal. Several of his friends bum cigarettes off him. He is unable to say no. Even if he tries, they are relentless.

Travis needs money for gas. He spends more money on gas per month than I do, and I live 40 miles out of town. He is the only one of his tribe members that has a car. Sometimes they will pitch in for gas, most times not. His tribe members don’t understand it’s not just about the cost of gas. Having a car comes with other expenses such as maintenance and insurance.

They can’t use Uber, it’s too expensive. That’s because the Uber driver has to pay for gas, maintenance and insurance. Uber drivers want to be compensated for their time. Travis’s tribe members can’t understand why he would want to be compensated for his time. They are his friends, and what would he be doing otherwise? Playing Xbox?

Which brings me to the scam that Microsoft is running. That’s how I describe it anyway. The best Xbox players can earn points through their play to buy additional maps, weapons, vehicles and characters for the game. Travis mostly needs to buy the points to keep up. You pay Microsoft for all the games, and then again for the additional points. Another phone call.

Travis doesn’t understand when I say no. Afterall, this game is very important to him. It’s just $20. This time. It doesn’t matter that he doesn’t have money in his budget. I could give it to him. He’s sure that I have $20 I can spare. Or I should loan it to him.

Travis doesn’t understand the value of money. We have gifted Travis seven cars. Don’t even get me started on the cost of repairs. He is 28. He has been driving for ten years. That is coming up on the number of cars I have had my whole life. The car I am currently driving I have had for ten years!

Travis is out giving rides to friends. I’m cool with this, it gives him purpose. They want to stop between their errands and eat fast food. Another phone call.

Travis forgot to bring water and is thirsty. Another phone call.

Travis has a debit card. Thank goodness. I can’t even imagine how this would work if we were in the check writing days. The beauty of the debit card is the charge will not clear without necessary funds, so he has to call me to transfer some money onto it. I can only transfer the amount he needs at a time, or it mysteriously gets spent without a phone call. By accident it seems.

Each time Travis is at the ATM he calls me for support. Part of his disability is short term memory issues; he needs a reminder. If the receipt shows a balance in the account that is apparently available to be spent.

I have considered not being his representative payee. After giving it a great deal of thought I came to the realization that it wouldn’t make my life any less stressful. I would still get the calls. If you hire a representative payee, they are only going to be available during business hours. Maybe not even on weekends. They might tell him he can’t buy something because it doesn’t fit in his budget. That would result in a call to me. Plus, if you hire someone, you have to pay them.

Most schools don’t even teach neurotypical kids about budgeting. Kids learn algebra and trigonometry, but not how to reconcile a bank statement. Not how to make a budget.

I read a blog article at www.autismawarenesscentre.com written by Maureen Bennie, titled “How to Teach Money Management for Independent Living with Autism”. Per her blog, “A recent study, “Financial Capabilities Among Youth with Autism Spectrum Disorder,” was conducted through the University of Missouri and was intended to shed light on exactly this issue. The study was conducted by interviewing youth with ASD between 16-25 and found that most individuals not only recognized that financial understanding was an essential part of being independent adults, but also felt very frustrated with their money management skill set, or lack thereof.

Money management is not seen as an important part of the curriculum for ASD children

While most of the early years for children with autism are spent in all kinds of therapy and lessons, most of those are around verbal or reading literacy, and normalizing behaviors. For most children, no time is spent at all learning about money.

“Despite the importance of financial autonomy and the increased independence that comes from understanding money, financial management and decision-making often are seen as outside the purview of professionals working with young people with autism,” said Clark Peters, co-author of the study and associate professor in the MU School of Social Work. “Educational programs that include financial literacy in both schools and independent living programs could increase autonomy and quality of life for people with autism.”

So how can we help those with autism learn to manage money?

As with learning anything when you have ASD the more ingrained it becomes at an early age, the better. It would be excellent if educational institutions recognized the importance of financial planning and incorporated it into early education programs. Until then, parents can help by addressing money as early as possible, just like any of the other life skills you want to help your child develop.”

The article goes on to say parents should help their children pay for items at stores. I can tell you from experience just getting through a store without a meltdown was our goal. Teaching a money habit in a store with noise and fluorescent lighting wasn’t even on our minds.

Next the article advises to give your child an allowance and help them save for something special. Maybe the mistake we made at our home was to attach giving an allowance to actually performing some type of work task. Travis didn’t complete work tasks. Even when enticed by a reward or money. We didn’t understand his disability at the time. His inability to stay on task or focus was an issue. We now know that not understanding cause and effect or consequences is part of his disability. That’s why rewards never worked.

Individuals on the autism spectrum may or may not also have a learning disability. Travis does. So, the advice from this article may not be a good fit for all.

Another article that I read said to discuss the importance of a budget. Travis doesn’t understand budgeting, no matter how much we talk about it. All that matters to him is that he wants what he wants. His favorite coffee at his favorite coffee shop is $10. Travis would spend $10 per day eating out if I let him. Even though I just stocked his refrigerator with groceries and meals that I have cooked for him.

Never mind the effect it would have on his health.

We try to explain it simply. You can’t spend more than you take in. Travis receives SSI (Supplemental Security Income) of $841 per month because he is disabled. Travis has to pay rent, wi-fi, phone, car insurance, food, gas, clothes and supplies. If we give him money, he is to report that as income, which would result in reducing benefits. Which would then result in him needing more help from us, which would further reduce his benefits.

As his representative payee I have to fill out an annual accounting of where his money is spent. There is actually a box that asks how much money he was able to save for the year. Seriously?

Travis believes that as his parents we should provide all his wants. At the same time, he tells us to leave him alone and let him make his own mistakes. His list of wants is long. He wants to travel to places like Hawaii, Japan and Germany. He also says he can’t travel by plane. He is full of contradictions, making parenting difficult. I haven’t even been to those places. And if I do get to any of those places in my lifetime, I would probably want to go with just Tracy. We have earned it!

The hardest part? Travis doesn’t take care of the things we do provide. How much of that is due to his disability? His mental illness robs him of any motivation. His mental illness also causes him to be angry and even with years of therapy he has difficulty managing his anger. Tracy and I spent this entire past weekend repairing walls, floors and deep cleaning at the home we provide for Travis to live in. The second weekend we spent there this past month.

The repairs cost about $2,000. Travis believes he is past punching holes in walls and tearing doors off the hinges. I hope he is right. Because money doesn’t grow on trees.

I printed out another monthly budget form today. If at first you don’t succeed….

“Money doesn’t grow on trees, and if it did, someone else would own the orchard.” - Lewis Grizzard