Walk the Talk

I’ve done this before. Every so often I give you a look at what a week or so looks like in my life. A week of caregiving for our young man.

Last week I wrote about how Travis’s physical health has been deteriorating. So I was a bit nervous for our Zoom meeting with his psychiatrist this past week. I had emailed him before the meeting to give him Travis’s bloodwork results.

Travis’s psychiatrist is concerned that the Abilify prescription he is taking may be causing his higher glucose numbers. He took Travis off the Abilify cold turkey once before. If you’ve been following our story then you know that was a scary time for me. Travis had a mental breakdown. I actually scheduled an emergency visit with the psychiatrist, and that was the first time he saw Travis unmedicated personally.

He did put Travis back on at the time. I’ve been wracking my brain trying to figure out why Travis’s red blood count and glucose are so high. His glucose had been in the pre-diabetic range for years. Then this past year the numbers have gone haywire.

Could it be his organs not getting enough oxygen?

I have argued that it couldn’t be the Abilify, Travis has been taking it for years. Abilify is the only pharmaceutical medication that has given Travis any relief without side effects.

A year ago the psychiatrist changed Travis from the pill form of Abilify to an injection. Even though Travis has a med box with an alarm, he was missing taking doses because he didn’t hear the alarm or wasn’t home when it went off and simply forgot.

I asked the psychiatrist if it was possible that now that it’s in injection form, could the dose be too high? What if instead of taking him completely off, we lowered the dosage and see if that helps the bloodwork.

The psychiatrist wanted to try a different medication altogether. Which I don’t support. Travis has been prescribed several pharmaceuticals over the years, and some seemed to help for a few days, but then the side effects were troubling. Side effects like aggression.

The psychiatrist gets frustrated with me. But he doesn’t have to live with the resulting mess. He continued to push to take him off the Abilify entirely. I asked him if he planned to put him in a hospital during the process, because I am not able to keep Travis and myself safe when he loses control.

I also reminded him that Travis’s primary physician had added another medication to try to help lower the glucose. We don’t want another medication to be the long-term answer, but it could buy us some time while we see if lowering the Abilify dose might help.

By the end of the meeting we had compromised. If Travis can get his A1C below a ten, the psychiatrist would try a couple of months at the lower dose to see if the numbers improved.

It might seem like I’m being hard to get along with, but Travis has been on somewhere between 20-30 medications. It’s not like we haven’t given it a fair shot.

I continue to clean at Travis’s each week because we are waiting for the person that was recently hired by a provider agency to take over with cleaning to finish the hiring/training process. Deep sigh.

I spent a fair amount of time continuing to try to get paystubs for three pay periods that Travis worked at the vape shop. The owner continued to tell me and the job coach that he would have them the next day, many times over. It wasn’t until I finally told him that I would have to contact the Colorado Department of Labor that he actually took me seriously.

Honestly, if I didn’t have to report Travis’s income to Social Security, I would have just let it go. Because he gave Travis cash, I have no idea how much Travis made and even if he was getting paid for the actual hours he put in.

The store owner called me from his CPA’s office and asked me for Travis’s social security number, birthdate and address. I reminded him that the job coach had given him copies of Travis’s social security card and driver’s license. He screamed at me to just give him the information. He even asked me what Travis’s last name was.

He told me the CPA would email me the paystubs later that day and that Travis’s last check was at the store. I reminded him that I needed a separate paystub for each pay period. Travis can make some money without it affecting his benefits. I didn’t want it all lumped on one because that would unfairly penalize Travis.

So later that day I took Travis by to pick up his last check. The employee seemed confused. Probably because they don’t get paychecks. He went to the back and got the owner. The owner told me that he was waiting to get the amount from the CPA before he wrote the check. I told him that he had told me earlier it was ready at the store, even read him a text he sent me telling me the same thing.

The owner said we would have to come back another time. I told him that I wasn’t leaving without the check. Why don’t he give his CPA a call?

Again, this may sound like I’m being hard to get along with, but this is a payroll due to Travis over a month ago. The owner wrote a check for an amount he thought might be right.

Another week went by and I didn’t get an email from the CPA with the paystubs. I texted the owner and he said he had received them the week before and thought he had forwarded them to me. When he checked he realized he had never hit send and it was in his drafts folder. Deep sigh.

And you know what? It was one stub with all the hours. Deeper sigh.

But now I have the name of the CPA. So I sent him an email telling him the whole story. Mostly because I wanted him to know that he is attaching his business to a client that is paying his employees under the table. I sent the email yesterday morning, on a Sunday. He called me that afternoon which surprised me, because it was a Sunday.

He said that the vape store had just opened in May and so they were just now getting their payroll set up. That Travis was their only employee. I told him that he and I both know that is not how it works when you open a business. You don’t pay cash until you get around to getting your accounts set up.

I also told him that Travis is not the only employee. I had been in the store a couple of times, and there was always a couple of employees working. He told me that there was no way for me to know if they were volunteers or unpaid internships. Seriously? This is a vape shop.

Looks like the sketchy business owner found himself the perfect accountant.

I did tell him that I needed the paystubs redone over the three pay periods. I already missed reporting by the 6th in July, and I had no intention of doing that again in August. It’s looking like I will need to get a hold of Social Security and see if we can come up with a plan so that it’s fair to Travis.

This week Travis told me again that he wants to move to another state. He is also angry at me because he wants to travel to places like Germany and Japan and I won’t let him. He wants to live in Hawaii, or maybe even Florida. He wants to be by water.

I know that I cannot reason with him. I have shared with him in the past that he lives within minutes of a large reservoir that has a beach. When was the last time he went?

I have shared with him that I haven’t been to Germany or Japan. Or even Hawaii. It’s not uncommon to not be able to do all the things a person might want to do, or visit all the places a person might want to visit.

He told me that I am keeping him caged in Colorado. I have shared with him numerous times that his family that loves and supports him lives here. That he is surrounded by a team of people that are all helping him to live as independent a life as possible.

I told him that his mental health will follow him wherever he goes. And that there will be mean people there too. It doesn’t do any good to run from your problems.

When he continued to say he wanted to leave, I told him ok. He seemed surprised. He asked me how would he get to where he decided to go, and where would he live? I told him the truth, I don’t know. It seems like you’re tired of our help and support, so figure it out. He said he needed my help to figure it out. I told him that I live in Colorado and I’m not moving. So….

We hung up. Ten minutes later he texted me asking if I could move money into his account for gas. He hasn’t brought up leaving again. Yet.

Tracy and I had Travis’s dog Sheila with us for an entire week. He didn’t ask for her back. We told him she was going home today and he said ok.

What did I do for me?

We attended a celebration of life for a dear neighbor. I’m going to miss laughing with her at Bunco!

I saw my doctor for my annual, she talked me into getting a mammogram. I had been getting ultrasounds done at my own expense the last few years. They had an opening a couple of days later, done and no issues.

I donated blood. I try to do that every couple of months, but have been off track for awhile. I think I am at the eight gallon mark.

I went to the foot doctor.

I had a window cleaner come clean my windows! Yes!

I had a friend over for a four hour coffee.

Tracy celebrated his birthday and all he wanted to do was have me bring home his favorite pizza to eat out on the deck. Which worked for me!

We had two friends over for cocktails and dinner.

I listened to two Glennon Doyle podcasts. I’ve quoted from her book, “Untamed” a few times in previous blogs. Her podcast is called, “We Can Do Hard Things”. A friend encouraged me to listen to the one called, “Our Bodies”, and another, “Self Care”. Check out her podcasts, and definitely download the theme song, “We Can Do Hard Things”, by Tish Melton.

I continue to read books outside of self help and autism subjects, and participate in a monthly book club.

I had three of my CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate) kiddos from a past case spend the night at my house. They needed a change of scenery and our place is the perfect place for that. When their momma came to pick them up, she stayed for dinner before they left.

I binge watched several episodes of “The Handmaids Tale”. I’m learning to not feel guilty when I feel like I am wasting time, because I’m allowed to not do anything productive to recharge my batteries.

So, to all my friends that have been giving me tough love about taking better care of myself, and to practice what I preach - I had lots of friend time, I saw my primary physician, I had my first mammogram since 2015, I have been actively working with a podiatrist with the hopes of starting to walk/jog/hike again, and I am going on a girl’s trip later this month to Port Aransas, which is in the North Padre Island area. I did some reading and some binge watching TV.

I’m even thinking of buying a FitBit or Apple Watch to monitor my health.

I’ve written in the past about caregivers needing to take care of themselves.

I’m starting to “Walk the Talk”.

Are you proud of me?

“Lead by example. Practice what you preach or don’t preach at all. Walk the talk. People watch what you do more than they listen to what you say. Inspire, challenge and encourage people to their best by doing YOUR best.” - Author Unknown

“What you do speaks so loudly, I cannot hear a word you say.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson