Make a Life — No Stone Left Unturned

“We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.” - Winston Churchill

Celebrating the holidays is supposed to be a joyful time. Even in the best of times the holidays can be stressful.

Celebrating the holidays with a son with autism and mental health struggles is exponentially more stressful.

Now throw in that fact that it is 2020. And all that brings with it.

I understand that I am not responsible for the happiness of others. That does not keep me from trying. Travis’s cognitive disability leads him to have unrealistic expectations. I’ve mentioned before that he calls me daily asking for money. I’ve been telling him for the last couple of weeks that he would need to wait and see if he received any money for Christmas. I told him I would add the item he so desperately wanted to a list. So that if he did receive any cash for Christmas, he could then decide which item is the most important and determine if he could afford it. (It’s going to be a long shot!)

Not only does Travis not understand the value of money, but he also thinks that having his most recent particular wish item is the answer to him finding happiness. The rest of us understand that isn’t going to be the case. We have provided many items off the wish list in the past. The joy for him is short-lived.

Having unrealistic expectations leads to feeling let down.

Typically holidays are spent with our loved ones. This year we made the hard decision to not spend Thanksgiving or Christmas with our family. My biggest concern is protecting each other from Covid-19. I’m afraid to get it. I have underlying conditions. I’m afraid to give it. Travis has underlying conditions. And we just don’t know about the long term effects it has on even healthy people.

At the same time, we cannot leave Travis home alone. With his depression.

We’ve been careful about our mask-wearing and hand-washing. We have limited our visits to town, trying to only go once per week. I haven’t been having coffee with my friends. I have been video chatting with my CASA kiddo instead of seeing her in person.

Travis isn’t careful. I wear my mask in his house when I am dropping by meals and groceries. He has various friends over. I have no idea where they have been.

What I love most about the holidays is spending time with family. That is why I am choosing not to see them this year. With the hope that being careful now means that we will all be here for holidays for years to come.

What I also love about the holidays is the joy of giving. I am going to miss watching the joy on the faces of friends and family as they open their gifts. I think I will see about FaceTiming the grand boys as they open their presents. Our plan is to drop their presents off to them.

I did my holiday shopping online. I started early knowing that shipping might be a mess. I did receive all of my orders. I also took advantage of shopping locally with curbside pick-up.

It goes without saying that this has been a rough year for all of us. Make a point to check in with your loved ones and make sure they are okay.

Giving isn’t just for the holidays. Giving isn’t just about material gifts. I find my joy in giving of myself. My time, my support, my love. Supporting a loved one with autism and mental illness can be exhausting. Managing life during a pandemic is hard. But I will continue to do what I do best. I like the quote I started with. By giving, I am making a life. And maybe not just my own.

I encourage you to go out there and make a life!

A couple of days ago Corey asked me to send her some childhood Christmas pictures. I went down a bit of a rabbit hole. So this week I am going to sign off with a few of the pictures I came across.

“The joy of brightening other lives, bearing each other’s burdens, easing each other’s loads and supplanting empty hearts and lives with generous gifts becomes for us the magic of the holidays.” - W. C. Jones

“Depression is being colorblind and constantly told how colorful the world is.” - Atticus

“We can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle three things: a rainy day, lost luggage and tangled Christmas tree lights.” - Maya Angelou